When my grandmother was battling cancer, we’d often visit her with beauty products squirreled away from the spa she owned. She hated the hospital-grade products because, as a spa owner herself, she always knew what she wanted and what made her look and feel her best. When we lost her to cancer when I was 21 years old, I found myself down and empty. 

While grieving my nana’s death, I would often ask my mom to visit me to walk on the lakefront together to feel some connection and peace. During one of our walks along Lake Michigan, we joked about my nana’s proclivity for spa products when she was battling cancer. I reminisced with my mom on the memories of collecting items from the spa and bringing them to my grandmother to help her feel a sense of beauty and comfort. She would always say, “When you look good, you feel good.” 

It was my nana’s passion for making women feel beautiful at her spa, so I was grateful I could bring her some items that would do the same for her during this difficult time. After my grandmother passed, we had to close the spa. It was absolutely heartbreaking and felt like a whole new loss. I thought about ways to carry on her legacy, to honor her, and to help other beautiful women who were battling cancer.

I will never forget when my grandmother was checking in on the spa after not being able to visit for quite some time. We walked into her spa and were stopped by a security guard. My grandmother looked so different from her treatment that even her own employees did not recognize her. I felt so many emotions in that moment. I felt sad and embarrassed, but most of all, I felt angry. I felt angry because I felt powerless, and I believed my grandmother did too. Nauseous from chemotherapy, mentally exhausted and barely unrecognizable, my grandmother found herself having to prove who she was because cancer had taken that from her.

It was that memory that fueled me. I wanted to make sure any woman battling cancer would not have to feel what my grandmother felt, and that’s how The Stay Beautiful Foundation was born. I started searching for clean beauty products that were safe for women undergoing cancer treatment, and from there, I began boxing up products and giving them to family and friends who had been diagnosed. Fast forward to today, we have a community of beautiful women across the globe to whom we deliver clean beauty products as a way to helping them feel beautiful inside and out.

While The Stay Beautiful Foundation started with a personal mission to give back, it’s also been an incredible crash course in building an organization. We supply hundreds of boxes each month to women, completely free, and rely on donations and brand partnerships to fill our boxes with clean beauty and wellness goodies. We’re a logistics company–shipping has been one of our biggest expenses and challenges since we began. Sadly, there is never a shortage of women requesting boxes, so as we have grown, the challenge I have faced is partnering with brands who can help us help these women.

My work on The Stay Beautiful Foundation became an anchor for me in my grief and sense of loss. And I am not alone. So many women begin businesses and organizations after a personal experience just like mine. It can be challenging to channel the sadness into productivity and action. While there is no sure way to find the rainbow, here are some ways to help you find clarity and silver linings along the way.

1. Work on yourself first, your business second. 

In order to be successful, you need to set yourself up for success. Take the time to level up and focus on you. You are the foundation to your dream, and without a solid foundation, you’ll never be able to build. After losing my grandmother, I had to work on myself in order to move onwards and upwards. It took therapy, meditation, and prayer to help me find a path forward. In the words of my therapist, “You can not secure the bag, without securing your internal bag first.” In other words, no external circumstances will make you feel whole, that happens from within.

2. Comparison is the thief of joy.

Now more than ever, social media is part of our daily lives. We are constantly scrolling just to see what someone is doing with their life. We may not be fully aware that we’re doing it, but we are constantly comparing ourselves and our situation to others. At times, I even found myself comparing my career to my partner’s, which is a recipe for disaster. In order to appreciate your path to finding your purpose, you must relinquish the urge to compare. Comparisons are for apples and oranges, not your life.

3. Eliminate all fears.

My parents used to have a magnet on the fridge when I was little that read, “If you knew you could not fail what would you attempt to do?” It took me months after starting The Stay Beautiful Foundation to actually deliver our first beauty box. I was so scared of what people would think or how they would judge me. Feel the fear and do it anyway! Start the business or apply for that job, sis!

4. Celebrate the small wins.

It’s important to not always focus on the negative. Appreciate every milestone along the way, especially after experiencing loss. Give yourself grace and celebrate those small victories to help get you through tough moments, even when things feel unbearable. 

5. Rest when needed.

Whatever stage you are in after experiencing loss, remember rest is essential for recovery. I live by this saying and so does Lebron James who mentions he gets 8-10 hours of sleep and even naps throughout the day to maintain homeostasis within his mind and body. So if Lebron James can squeeze in a cat nap, so can you.

There is no blueprint on how to turn a loss into a win. From my experience, I learned there’s no fast track to healing or finding your passion.  My advice to anyone who is searching for their Northstar is to look within themselves and recognize it is already inside of you. You just have to start to do the self-work!

About the author: Ashleigh Cortes is the founder of The Stay Beautiful Foundation, a nonprofit organization that delivers free boxes of clean beauty and skincare products to women undergoing cancer treatment. Ashleigh was inspired by her grandmother, a Black Chicago entrepreneur in the beauty space who passed from cancer. Ashleigh saw firsthand the effects of cancer on a woman's self-esteem. Since her grandmother's passing, she has made it her mission to help these women “glow through what they go through,” providing them with an exciting, fun, unboxing experience of clean beauty products for them to enjoy.

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