When I was 31 years old, I barely recognized myself. From the outside, it looked like I had everything. The job, the apartment, the luxurious vacations, but—while I was counting down the days until my next blissful week on a tropical island—I felt like I was dying on the inside. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of dating toxic men, drinking too much, and relying on a week of vacation to revive my battered soul, when, in reality, once the shine wore off my vacation tan, I was lost. 

Over the course of my entire life, I’d always been told that the secret to getting what I wanted—success, the perfect career, my soulmate—was toning my “too big” personality down. I felt like I needed to restrain myself to fit in a perfect little box, and I was miserable, exhausted, and attracting all of the wrong men in the process. No longer certain of who I was, I saw a picture of myself from a friend’s birthday party and knew right away that something needed to change. I couldn’t survive another ten years of forcing myself to be something I’m definitely not, so I went for it.

I packed my bags and left Sydney, Australia—putting 10,000 miles between myself and the life I no longer wanted—and threw myself into creating something new. I started with coaching events in New York City, charging $20 to $30 per person, and hustling hard to make things work. On top of working to pay the bills, I spent an average of 30 hours per week focusing on building my business—which was making less than $10,000 per year—but no matter how hard I tried, no matter how much I pushed myself to hustle, it wasn’t working.

I bought into the lie that I had to grind my way to the top, teetering on burnout in the process, until I found myself $100,000 in debt even as I tried to do things the so-called “right” way. I wasn’t happy, and it wasn’t working.

It wasn’t until I realized that I could choose joy—enjoying the process and even prioritizing rest—and be just as successful, if not more so than I was when I was forcing myself to inhabit the diehard “girl boss” energy. I didn’t need to work that hard, and I didn’t need to please everyone. In fact, it was better when I narrowed my focus—concentrating on my strengths and my true talents in helping single, professional women attract the soulmate relationship they deserved—and trusted in my own self-worth.

I started experimenting with different pricing models and business structures, eschewing the traditional coaching strategy and worked with a business coach to design a group coaching structure that suited my energy and my goals. My business exploded, and within three months I was making six-figures. Eighteen months later, I broke my first million.

While my journey to success has been anything but linear, it has taught me a few valuable lessons—things I couldn’t have picked up anywhere else—that have helped me not only transform my own business but also the lives of the women I work with.

1. You don’t have to prove your worth. 

Like so many other women entrepreneurs, I knew I was capable of big things, but I thought I had to push myself—and show my worth—in order to get there. I was trapped in a cycle of fighting and grinding for more that was really just a mask for my fear. 

I was afraid I wasn’t enough. I needed another certification, another course, another degree, anything to get me to the point where I could prove that I was worth taking up space. When, in reality, my worth is inherent.

Because success isn’t about proving your worth, it’s about owning it. Own what you want, who you are, and what you’re capable of—and release the imposter syndrome holding you back—so you can step into the unapologetic version of yourself who is capable of so much more.

2. You can’t skip mindset.

I’ve seen so many people with higher degrees, allow mindset to become an afterthought. And I was one of them. I thought if I worked hard enough, if I had a strategy, if I just pushed myself then I would achieve all of my goals in record time.

Unfortunately, your strategy doesn’t matter if you don’t believe that you deserve to do well. For me, unlocking my mindset and doing the inner work was the key to my business’ success. It gave me the courage to step into my power and raise my prices, and it allowed me to stop playing small. Without that shift? I never would’ve made it this far.

3. You need to put yourself first.

As a relationship coach, I use an unconventional method to help my clients attract the soulmate relationship they desire: by learning how to make yourself your number one priority and becoming your own soulmate first. For years, I thought I needed to focus on my ideal partner or relationship. I was waiting for Mr. Right to show up and complete me when, in reality, by learning to embrace myself unapologetically, I complete myself.

You aren’t broken or lost. You have everything you need within you right now. It’s about committing to your mindset work and big visions every day, then becoming that version of you a little bit more every day, and celebrating your growth along the way. Because when you celebrate the little things, they become the big things. 

Once you learn how to embody what you deserve, then I truly believe you can have it all: happiness, success, a beautiful soulmate relationship, whatever you want. Don’t be afraid to connect with who you are and what you want. As you build your own confidence, visualizing, and feeling the person you want to be, you’ll find yourself stepping into that reality. It’s about learning to ask yourself, “Who do I need to be right now to attract the life I want? What habits need to be created and kept?” It’s all about rigor, discipline, clarity, and that underbelly of passion fueling the way. It’s about embodying your magnificent essence fully and owning who you are.

Because you already deserve it but it’s not about saying you’re worthy, it’s about feeling that worthiness deep in your soul. It’s about giving yourself permission right now to own your full power unapologetically, embodying your sublime feminine energy, and accepting yourself on every level. 

About the Author: Lucy Shahjahan is the founder of Soul to Soul Global and author of “Don’t Sh*t In My Vortex,” coming out on January 28, 2021. An expert on love and relationships, her passion is helping high-achieving single women embody their feminine power, connect with their true selves, and attract their soulmate relationship in the process—all in a matter of months. You can follow her on Instagram at @lucyshahjahan.

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