As business owners, we all want to project confidence through our interactions with vendors, contractors, clients, customers, and other business owners. I started my company at 25 years old with no business experience. In these past five years, I’ve worked with manufacturers, lawyers, consultants, and event organizers. Many of these people didn’t take me seriously because of my age, gender, or lack of industry knowledge. I couldn’t change who I was (nor did I want to), but I could adjust my language to present a stronger, more confident version of myself.  

It’s become increasingly clear to me that language is powerful, and we have the ability to convey self-confidence through our word choices. In our digital world (even more so during a pandemic), our written communications are important opportunities to use purposeful language. Getting rid of the self-defeating “sorry” and “just” make a major difference in the way we are perceived. 

Did you say or write “sorry” today when you didn’t do anything wrong? Look through some emails and texts, and you might be surprised how regularly “sorry”  slips in. Once I started looking for it, I realized that I’d been saying “sorry”  instinctively throughout my whole life. When I posted about this recently on  Instagram, I couldn’t believe how many women said they also say it unnecessarily and often. Why do we do this? 

Many women I talk with compulsively apologize when asking for something or making a reasonable request. To be clear, there are definitely moments when an apology is necessary, and we should say sorry when we make a mistake or hurt someone. We know how to identify when we should say “sorry”, so let’s talk about when we don’t need to say it—and more importantly—what we can say instead. 

“Sorry to bother you, but could you send me that project proposal we talked  about when you get a chance?”  

This “sorry” is not necessary. It might feel aggressive to say “Could you send me that project proposal?”, but that’s what you need, right? If you want to soften it  a bit, you can always add “please.” The point is, it’s not your fault that this person is late, and you have no reason to say sorry. Apologizing diminishes our message and perceived confidence. 

A great substitute for “sorry” is “thank you”, which completely changes the tone of your exchange. The person you’re talking with will feel appreciated and will recognize the positive framing of the situation. 

Let’s go through some examples of how to not say “sorry.”

If you’re asking a busy person for a meeting or if you’re looking for advice, rather than saying “sorry I’m bothering you”, try “thank you for taking the time to meet/talk with me”. 

Your project got delayed because of an urgent assignment that came in, and you’re writing “Sorry this is taking so long” to your boss. They may need some explanation, but you can shift the language to “Thanks for your patience on this. The [time-sensitive assignment] set me back slightly. I’ll have this to you on  Monday.”  

A friend or co-worker listened to you vent during your lunch hour, and you want to text her, “Sorry I was talking so much today!” Try writing “Thank you for listening to me today! I appreciate your advice and patience.” This shows her that you value her time. 

Now, while we’re at it, let’s talk about “just.” 

I’m constantly on the lookout for the word “just.” I didn’t realize how much I used it until a loved one told me I use it all the time. We want to feel confident and be perceived as strong, right? This word does us no favors.  

Listen closely for “just” because it is the death of a powerful statement. “Just”  comes up in my emails constantly, and I try to delete it whenever it pops up. We use “just” so often that the actual meaning slips away.  

“She just found that jacket in the closet” 

“They just cooked the most delicious meal!” 

These examples are correct because “just” indicates that something happened very recently. 

Here’s where we need to delete “just:” 

“I’m just checking in to see if you received my invoice.” 

“I just have a few more questions.” 

“I just thought I’d suggest…” 

In all three examples, “just” makes the statement weaker. Once you start cutting out “just,” you’ll see faster responses to your emails (and responses to the ones that might never get answered). Your message becomes direct, clear, and representative of your self-worth.

Our strength is in our ability to navigate our daily lives with confidence and be unwavering in our sense of self. When we feel that strength, we radiate it, and others take note. Whether it’s our children seeing us as confident adults, co-workers who know we’re direct, vendors who realize we know what we want, or employers who see our strength, the way we’re seen is based on what we project. 

Let’s delete those two undermining words and start sending some confident emails and texts! 

About the author: Kate Davis believes personal safety should feel fun, rather than burdensome. Through her Knockout collection, Davis utilizes her background in Italian art and design to bring together daily wear with personal safety, marrying functionality with fashion and design. The collection is both stylish and sharp, featuring sleek, minimalist designs in both bold and neutral color options. With Knockout women can carry their personal safety as part of their daily style without having to compromise. More than just jewelry, Knockout is a community for women looking for camaraderie, encouragement, safety tips, and financial advice. Through Knockout, Davis wants to help women tap into their own power.

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