In a study surrounding race conversations at home, 9 out of 10 participating white families admitted to not having in-depth conversations with their kids about race. If you’re reading this wondering why it’s so alarming, then we’re glad you clicked through to this story. It’s as Denise Vasi, actor, entrepreneur, and founder of maed wrote on a recent Instagram post: “You must explain to your children that people of color face inequality, injustice, and racism. You have to talk about skin color. You have to talk about black lives mattering, and you have to talk about white privilege. I know these are conversations that can be difficult or challenging but they are conversations that must happen.”
As Vasi stresses, this means talking to your children about the uniqueness and beauty of our racial and cultural differences, speaking up when you see injustice, role modeling this anti-racist behavior so your children can learn from your actions, building friendships with people of color, and curating a diverse library. In fact, books are one of the best ways to introduce the conversation early on with your children.
Why? According to research by Mahzarin Banaji, a renowned Harvard University psychologist, brain researcher, racism and physical prejudice expert found that even though they may not understand the “why’’ of their feelings, children exposed to racism tend to accept and embrace it as young as age three, and in just a matter of days. “We have known for a very long time that children process information differently than adults. That is a given,’’ says Banaji. “But what has changed, where racism and other prejudice are concerned, is that we had far over-calculated how long it takes for these traits to become embedded in a child’s brain. It’s quite shocking really, but the gist of it is that 3- and 4-year-olds demonstrate the same level and type of bias as adults. This tells us that children ‘get it’ very, very quickly and that it doesn’t require a mature level of cognition to form negative biases.”
So, the earlier you can start talking to your children about race and reading books that encourage the conversation to widen their scope on the topic of race and cultural identity, the better. In an interview with MyDomaine, Sara Schonwald of Listen to Lead Consulting outlined some of the lessons she’s still figuring out as a white parent of two young children. Her questions and answers are a great place to start and can help you have these conversations in your own home.
This NPR interview with Jennifer Harvey, the author of Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children In A Racially Unjust America (and professor of religion at Drake University) is also a great resource for parents who want to open up the dialogue at home around race and prejudice. Her article on CNN.com titled "How Do I Make Sure I'm Not Raising The Next Amy Cooper?” also outlines what can happen when “white families fail to engage in race-conscious, antiracist-committed parenting.”
She writes: “When we don't break white silence with ongoing and explicit teaching about race and racism, and active and persistent modeling of antiracism, we end up raising the Amy Coopers of the next generation. Antiracism never accidentally shows up. Ijeoma Oluo and Ibram X. Kendi have so eloquently written, there is no such thing as non-racism in a world of racism… So we white parents have two choices: We either go along with the racism-enabling flow of white silence or we decide to stand up against it… We can learn to choose antiracism.”
Our children will hear our silence so let’s have the hard conversations and actively choose to talk about race. It’s never too early. Ahead, we compiled a list of children's books at various ages to help you start the conversation. Be sure to check out Vasi’s post for more children's books to invest in. The Conscious Kid and Embrace Race are also great resources and share even more book suggestions to read with your child.
After all, this is about the future of our children and our children are our future.
Photo: cottonbro from Pexels
Ages 4-8
Little Leaders: Bold Women in Black History
This book features 18 trailblazing black women in American history—the heroes, role models, and everyday women who did extraordinary things. The bold actions and beliefs of these contributed to making the world better for generations of girls and women to come.
Young Coretta Scott walked many miles to school and from a young age, she knew the unfairness of life in the segregated south. When she joined Martin Luther King, Jr. years later, she gave birth to a vision of change through nonviolent protest. Her story is one we all should know and continue to share with generations to come.
Rosa Parks
You know her as the woman who refused to give up her seat on the bus, but what else do you know about Rosa Parks? Growing up in Alabama, Parks learned early on how to stand up for herself, and her courageous decision that day had a huge impact on civil rights, eventually leading to the end of segregation on public transport. She never stopped working for equal rights.
Ages 6-9
Malcolm Little: The Boy Who Grew Up to Become Malcolm X
Teach your child about one of America’s most influential figures, Malcolm X. Written by his daughter, this inspiring picture book biography celebrates a vision of freedom and justice.
Let It Shine: Stories of Black Women Freedom Fighters
Read about the incredible women throughout history who have fought oppression and racism, often risking their own lives in the process. From Rosa Parks who refused to give up her seat on a bus to Harriet Tubman helped more than three hundred slaves escape the South on the Underground Railroad, there is a story to inspire and educate you and your children.
The Day You Begin
This New York Times Bestseller has won numerous awards for its message of courage. This story will help your child to understand what it feels like to be an outsider and teach them why it’s brave to venture forth anyway.
Viola Desmond Won’t Be Budged!
It’s hard to believe that you could be taken to jail over a movie ticket but that’s what happened to Viola Desmond. In 1946, she was asked to move from her main floor seat to the balcony and after offering to pay the difference in price, she was refused and told “You people have to sit in the upstairs section.” She didn’t budge from her seat which resulted in the police taking her to jail. She was charged and fined but vowed to continue her struggle against unfair rules and racial prejudice.
My Hair Is a Garden
After a day of being taunted by classmates about her unruly hair, Mackenzie can’t take anymore and she seeks guidance from her wise and comforting neighbor, Miss Tillie. Using the beautiful garden in the backyard as a metaphor, Miss Tillie shows Mackenzie that maintaining healthy hair is not a chore nor is it something to fear. Most importantly, Mackenzie learns that natural black hair is beautiful.
Something Happened in Our Town: A Child's Story About Racial Injustice
This story follows two families—one White, one Black—as they discuss a police shooting of a Black man in their community. The story aims to answer children's questions about such traumatic events and to help children identify and counter racial injustice in their own lives.
Ages 9-12
Schomburg: The Man Who Built a Library
Afro–Puerto Rican, Arturo Schomburg was a law clerk with a passion for collecting books, letters, music, and art from Africa and the African diaspora to highlight awareness and celebration around African people through the ages. Eventually, he created and curated a collection to the New York Public Library and the cornerstone of a new Negro Division. A century later, it is now known as the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture and is renowned with scholars around the world.
Voice of Freedom: Fannie Lou Hamer, Spirit of the Civil Rights Movement
She faced prejudice and abuse and was almost beaten to death but it didn’t stop Fannie Lou Hamer from championing civil rights from the 1950s until her death in 1977. Her work is integral to the Mississipi Freedom Summer voter registration drive in 1964 where over 700 mostly white volunteers joined African Americans to fight against voter intimidation and discrimination at the polls.
We know there are so many other great books to read with your child so we will continue to update this list and please add your recommendations in the comment section below.